Sunday, March 25, 2012


A friend from my waaaay past commented on my recent posting that she remembered me as a “beautiful, vibrant young girl”. Well, I can’t say much for the beautiful or young anymore, but I believe myself to be still “vibrant”!  Thank you, Mary. I like that word; it means alive, exciting, animated, colorful. 

And, in fact, I still feel that same way.  There are times when those words might not be descriptive or apparent, but underneath, buried deep inside me….that same “vibrant young girl” lives and wants to flourish.

Truthfully, I still laugh hard and try to pursue things I enjoy. The pursuit is often interrupted or delayed or thwarted by my fatigue and/or obligations, but thanks be to God, I am able to recoup and try another time.  That spirit of persistence, which is God-given, allows me to pursue “life” even as I am dealing daily with a long, slow death. 

My cousin has told me that her aunt (not my aunt) – called me a “spitfire” when I was a child. My response was “me???”  I always thought I was an easy child, that I respected authority, obeyed….maybe not!  But I own that strong spirit. T has commented often through our years together about my strength – that he was attracted to that trait – sometimes it was his blessing, sometimes his bane.  I’m sure my children have wanted less strength many, many times! 

Back to my original intent – to affirm that I still find life enjoyable.  At work, I enjoy my co-workers and am often the source of laughter and humor.  I love being with and watching my grandboys. They are oblivious to the problems which are part of our lives, they just accept it……smile, laugh, play, talk about legos,  hug me….they make me laugh.  I like my kids – of course I love them, but liking them is different.  I like their intellect, their humor, their ability to love and friend others…and they keep me on my toes while they like me back.  They affirm my pursuit of life.  Times with them are the best!!

I still try to keep flowers in the front yard and weeds out! I love seeing birds in my back yard, especially the bluebirds. I love a good glass of wine, a medium rare steak, burgers, the smell of the grill fired up – and healthy food – tomato/mozzarella/basil, avocado salad, tabouli, on and on. I burn a candle almost every day – it relaxes me. My favorite scents are lavender, cranberry, fall smells, vanilla, patchouli.  I try to have a small fresh flower bouquet whenever I can. 

Learning is still fun – nursing, computer, food, wine, politics, travel and other cultures.

I would love some fabulous shoes if I could find some that fit my slender feet! 

Music is a source of pleasure to me….although I miss singing very much.  Getting with friends and family, while it isn’t often, is something I look forward to and find restorative.   

Reading takes me away from life – as it always has. T would say I was “legally dead” when I was reading. I was not to be disturbed!  And I adore travel…. something I am missing a lot, the ability to just take off to someplace different.  

College football is a passion. Honestly, in the fall, I will plan my life around football on Saturdays.  

I love God in a way I never have.  We talk all the time – why not? He sees everything, He knows – and He is always here.  And He is not confounded by my pain or worry or doubt.

Now we all know, I remain passionate about life.  I need to affirm this for myself and for those who read – that while I experience  all these human feelings and emotions I write about, there is still “Marilyn” ……she is the same person, yet not the same.  

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